By Bartholomew Pawlik, Clinical Psychologist
“I could just talk to a friend — what’s different about speaking to you?”
It’s a question I’ve been asked from time to time in my career, and honestly, it’s a fair one. When you’re struggling or needing to process something, turning to friends or family often feels like the natural first step.
They’re people you trust. They care about you. So why see a psychologist? What’s the point of talking to someone who isn’t personally involved in your life?
But therapy offers something a little different. And sometimes, that difference can be what helps things shift…
The focus is entirely on you.
When you speak to a psychologist, the entire focus of the appointment is on you: your goals, your challenges and your experience. While a psychologist may – appropriately – self-disclose, it’s normally for a reason.
It’s not uncommon that people first attending therapy find this proverbial spotlight on them a little uncomfortable. However, it usually eventuates that people find the space to be truly listened, heard and understood to be healing.
When we speak to our friends, it can look like a lot of things. However, it’s typically reciprocal in some way. Our friend will also want to talk about themselves, share worries, share stories.
We also spent time with friends just for fun, to laugh, to share experiences. When you spend time with a psychologist, it’s for a purpose: to work through challenges and increase your wellbeing.
Psychologists offer objectivity.
The people in the web of your social network – even if they are healthy, supportive people – have their own pre-conceived notions, as well as their own goals, intentions and beliefs. That’s a normal part of being a human being.
However, many people have told me over the years that it’s very helpful to speak to someone’s outside of their current social connections.
This can be therapeutic, removing any worry about the effects or consequences of what they say. It can also be helpful in that it enables the therapist to view things from a more detached, outside perspective – which can be useful for providing reflections, advice or ideas.
What you say stays in the room.
Therapist confidentiality is something that is taken extremely seriously by psychologists. It’s also protected in the Australian Psychological Society Code of Ethics and the Psychology Board of Australia Code of Conduct.
This means, you can share openly and honestly with a psychologists without having to worry about that information getting to someone else.
In life, we can often hold back and censor ourselves for a variety of reasons. We may be concerned about judgement. We might be protecting someone else’s feelings. However, a psychological therapy session let’s you speak to things that might be otherwise too scary or challenging to talk about.
You're heard without judgement.
Psychologists are trained to be nonjudgemental with the clients and treat them with unconditional positive regard. Of course, as psychologists we’re people too – we have our own opinions, beliefs and views. However, in the therapy context we trained to do our very best to step into the other person’s shoes and see the world from their point of view.
While to someone outside of the field that might sound a little strange, it’s actually the bread-and-butter of psychological and counselling practice. It is literally the job to understand the other person, regardless of what they bring to the table. This – hopefully – means that talking to a skilled psychologist might result in a kinder, more careful conversation than can take place with a friend
Of course, no professional is perfect – and if at any point in therapy you feel that isn’t the case, I would highly encourage you to try and bring it up with the psychologist you are working with.
You’re working with someone who’s extensively trained.
A Registered Psychologist has a minimum of 6-8 years of training, with most practicing psychologists having a Masters or Doctorate level degree. At a minimum, psychologists are required to do 30 hours of Continuing Professional Development each year to stay on top of the latest research. In practice, most of my colleagues do far more than that.
Therapy draws on evidence-based methods.
The training and experience of a Psychologists gives them a broad understanding of psychology, counselling techniques and behaviour change. Most people feel they have an ‘intuitive’ understanding of psychology, especially if they are empathetic or consider themselves to be social people.
However, in our society we have many proverbs – the crystalised wisdom of culture – to explain things. When we hear these we nod and go “oh yeah, of course”; though they can sometimes be contradictory. Consider the following: ‘birds of a feather flock together,’ ‘opposites attract.’
While we can likely relate to instances of both, they can’t both be entirely true all the time. The study of psychology helps people get unstuck from standard, inherited ways of thing – and attempts to bring it in line with scientific evidence.
For example, if a friend has been through a trauma it’s unlikely you will ask them to repeat it again, again and again – that would feel cruel and unusual. However, in the context of psychological therapy, we know that appropriate use of this technique in Prolonged Exposure Therapy or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can be profoundly healing for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
The knowledge of psychology helps people know when, how and why to apply these interventions.
Sessions are active, structured, and purposeful.
A conversation with a friend is likely to be that – a conversation. It’s certainly true that parts of therapy can be spent reflecting, unpacking and processing information. However, when someone works with a psychologist it’s likely they may take part in a structured therapy and go through a number of therapeutic interventions.
This can include learning skills, such as mindfulness, relaxation training or cognitive reframing. It can also includes going through therapeutic experiences or process in the therapy room: such as ‘imagery rescripting’ to process a difficult memory, ‘chairwork’ to explore different parts of oneself, or ‘Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing’ to overcome trauma.
It’s unlikely – and possibly unhelpful or unethical – to go through this with a friend: who, ironically, is unlikely to know how to do these unless they themselves were a therapist.
Clinical experience helps uncover patterns you might not notice.
In my opinion, this is one of the biggest advantages of working with a training and experience professional. There is the ‘base knowledge’ that’s learned in university, training and seminars – then there’s also the database of experience that one acquires working with many clients, patients and consumers.
It’s analogous to how when doctors go through medical training they have placements, internship and residency – where they go on ‘rounds’ and see many patients. All doctors go through this regardless of what speciality they decide on. The experience of seeing what patients look like with diagnosis of different conditions builds up ‘pattern recognition’: where an experience doctor might be able to have a look at a rash and say ‘that’s what this is’. At that point, they don’t need to consult a textbook, or ask Chat GPT; they have acquired the expertise.
Likewise, when you talk to a friend, they may not have had any experience with Depression, for example. It might be hard for some people to understand exactly what that’s like. If they do have lived experience of it, they will likely relate it to their own individual – or the friend or family members they know.
If you speak to a psychologist, you can be confident that person has likely worked with dozens or even hundreds of people experiencing depression. They have also seen people’s ‘backscenes’ or private thoughts and struggles. They’ve hard about the ups and downs and walked along with them in their journey. While – of course – even human is unique, those experience help psychologists build up a database notice patterns about what might be helpful and what might be.
The role of the therapist.
The role of ‘therapist’ is unique. It’s not quite the same as coach, mentor, advisor or guide. It’s a role that’s been established through decades of professional practice, scientific study, and ethical reflection. That helps protects clients, in that the conversations are confidential and their interests come first. Psychologists are bound by the Australian Psychological Society Code of Ethics – and, soon the Psychology Board of Australia’s Code of Conduct. This provides a clear role and boundaries.
The reason all of this matters isn’t to say one type of conversation is better than another — but that they serve different roles. Friendships are incredibly important for connection, belonging, and support. But therapy offers something different: a space that’s intentionally structured to help you reflect, heal, and grow.
A psychologist doesn’t have a personal stake in your decisions. They’re not influenced by your past, your social circle, or shared history. That neutrality gives you the chance to explore things more freely without having to filter or worry how it will land.
It’s also a space where complexity is welcome. You don’t have to have it all figured out before walking through the door.
Therapy can be a place where things start to make more sense. Where patterns become clearer. Where new ways of thinking, feeling and responding can begin to emerge. And where, little by little, change becomes possible, sometimes in ways that are hard to imagine at the start.
